Dec 20 2008
Parent Traps
“But if parents are searching for the perfect teacher, teachers are looking for the ideal parent, a partner but not a pest, engaged but not obsessed, with a sense of perspective and patience. And somehow just at the moment when the experts all say the parent-teacher alliance is more important than ever, it is also becoming harder to manage.” ~ Nancy Gibbs, Time Magazine, February 13, 2005
Last week at a video workshop, I ran into a parent (who also happens to be a teacher) of one of my students. He proceeded to tell me how much his son enjoys my class, how the writing assignments excite him, and that he’s impressed with how engaged his son is in English. I thanked him and tried to hide my tears. It was a total and complete rush! I felt validated, appreciated, and understood. My joy of teaching returned.
Unfortunately, this isn’t the norm, and my love of teaching is sometimes soured by the critical parent who chooses to go straight to the top when his/her child comes home and complains. Usually, this parent will choose to remain anonymous, fearing some kind of retaliation from the teacher. This undermines us not only as professionals, but as empathetic human beings.
I had a wonderful writing teacher in college who said “No one really grows from negative feedback.” Parents who have something constructive to say don’t need to hide behind anonymity or bypass the teacher altogether as they angrily march to the front office. Talking and listening to the teacher first might be a better path toward compassionate communication.
